life, personal

New Year, Vaguely Same Me. (Also, some goals)

By the time this post goes up we will already be ten days into the New Year. Fortunately, there's no one grading me on my submission of goals or I would have failed this year by default. At the end of 2013, I decided I didn't like the idea of resolutions. I then came up… Continue reading New Year, Vaguely Same Me. (Also, some goals)

Faith, mental health, recovery

Washing Machine Prayers

If I could find a way to put the last few months into paragraphs, I would, but right now I am faced with a washing machine full of words. If I open it now everything will spill out, tangled in soap and dirty water, and I will be swamped. I’ve searched everywhere I can think… Continue reading Washing Machine Prayers

mental health, recovery

Protest//Forget

I caught myself kicking off again today. I don't know why my brain does this to me, maybe it's just part of the process of detangling myself, but for some reason my first reaction to a difficult time™ is to completely self destruct. Engaging in conversations that can only go badly. Running 5kms on an… Continue reading Protest//Forget

anxiety, life

A Bell Jar of Stress and Trying to Leave it. 

I accidentally reached the point where who I am as a person is synonymous with being stressed, which was entirely unintentional and not the dazzling personality trait I'd hoped for. Maybe we all should have seen it coming when my Mother used to say I had frog fingers thanks to my bitten away nails making… Continue reading A Bell Jar of Stress and Trying to Leave it. 

mental health, recovery

Inside Outside. (I am in recovery, but it is messy)

I used to tense up when I was told I 'looked better'. I was proud of my disguise, but I also felt a strange sort of disconnect between the girl on the outside and what I was trying to understand about the inside of me. I had this sick belief that I deserved to have… Continue reading Inside Outside. (I am in recovery, but it is messy)

Faith, life

Refocus.

When I got home I was hollow. Cried out. Exhausted. I ended up outside in the dark, laying on the pavement, searching for the stars between porridge clouds. The stars have always been my safe place. One of my first memories is from back in 1999, my family had moved from the city to a… Continue reading Refocus.

mental health, recovery

It Totally and Completely Depends.

Let me preface this with the context that this writing is therapy homework. A blog post and homework all in one. Brilliant. I mean, if you have to kill two birds, you may well use one stone. I call it genius, others probably call it lazy. (off topic, but I don't support the killing of… Continue reading It Totally and Completely Depends.