personal

The Difficulty of Creativity

I like to think of myself as a vaguely creative person. I’m reluctant to give myself titles that I don’t believe I have earned, but I am, by definition, an author, a director, and content creator in the sense that these are things that I do. I’ve been creating things, like every other human being, since childhood. However, I like to think of myself as a ‘content creator’ because creating things, such as online videos, essays, and articles is a thing I regularly strive to do, both to bring enjoyment, and because I’d like to make at least a part time career out of creating.

The issue arises upon actually setting about creating. Sit me in an office or lecture and I will plan the next big thing in young adult fiction or a multi episode television show that exposes the realities of life in a striking and gritty, yet strangely endearing way. I’ll write a whole screen play in half an hour. No, the problem is that when I sit down to actually write this screenplay or article out every single drop of creativity simply fades from existence. The empty page with blinking cursor becomes the most terrifying thing in the world.  I struggle to take research I’ve slaved over for months and actually write it into an essay when it comes time to actually do it. The pressure to ‘be good’ frequently takes over and overwhelms any ability.

Creativity is not a difficult thing for me. Creating is. There is always something in the way, be it exhaustion, a mountain of paperwork, or overwhelming sadness. I live in constant awe and respect of those who actually write novels, because I cannot imagine actually finishing a work, regardless of talent or lack thereof.

Why do I write this? Because for tonight at least, I have some words. Because I believe it is important to write when you can, and I hope by practicing I will one day be able to take creativity and create something worth creating.

Sometimes it is something as simple as watching a youtube video by John and Hank Green, watching a Bertie Gilbert Film, or reading Plath’s poetry to inspire something more than just a thought, and for this reason I will always encourage anyone who wishes to create to do it. Make something, for yourself, and for the benefit of every overtired creative in the world.

All my love.

b.a.

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